After my first year of medical school, I dropped out to join an ashrama.
I was 19 years old and had worked extremely hard to get into medical school. I had not got in straight after school despite getting top marks and I had excelled in the first year of Science to finally be accepted into the MBChB Medical degree. I was finally in my dream studies and was ready to learn medicine.
Like many who choose to study medicine we genuinely albeit naively think we want to be a doctor – to heal people and make a difference in the world.
Soon into my first year I became severely disillusioned with the mechanistic and detached face of medicine we were taught. It felt impersonal and formulaic.
I was already a student and seeker of botanical plant medicines in traditional African healing, homeopathy and Ayurveda.
Yet my burning quest for true healing remained. And when I was given an opportunity to join a student camp – meditating with the Hare Krishnas in the mountains of McGregor – I thought that sounded enticingly interesting.
It made complete sense to me and after the weekend I was quite transformed with absolute certainty this path was mine.
As unexplainable as it was – the clarity of my path was crystal clear.
Against much pressure from my family and society I left medicine and moved into the temple, meditating, and being in daily service for several years.
This included a pilgrimage to India, ashram living in America, and many other delicious, heartful, soulful experiences, teachings, sangas and adventures, and sisterhood.
In that time I learned the fundamentals of Vedic soul wisdom that defined how we live our lives, our values and choices, the deep philosophy of Vedanta (Sacred Truth), and the heart-opening service of bhakti.
I learned the price and prize of austerity and discipline.
I learned the power of humility and the power of prayer.
I learned and learn so much still.
The point is I left medicine for heart soul journey work.
And 7 years later I went back and redid first-year medicine.
I cannot tell you in words. It was a pulling of the heart.
I managed to finish all 6 years this time. (Taking just one year off to birth and mother my son.)
I ended up missing the grand finale… Standing up there receiving
my degree with my parents gleeing in pride.
I missed that Graduation day.
I bounced to rather join a rare opportunity of a 3-day meditation retreat with my spiritual teacher (on one of his last visits to South Africa) in the Drakensburg mountains in Kwazulu Natal.
I spent 3 days connecting to Divinity in nature. This was and remains my true healing source, my guardian, and my directive.
That was 2009.
Since then I have returned to mainstream hospital medicine as well as sacred Mother India several times.
My spiritual faith holds the vessel for me to understand and engage with the material nature (our physical body), the energies that influence it, and the essence of existence and soul yearning – completely void of ego and form – but an Embodiment of pure Love from the Highest Wisdom.
I am returning to complete this essay now – two years after I wrote it.
Again I have folded my practice, stopped all my consultations and homebirths, and put my energy into aligning my Heart and Soul with My Truth.
We have made it back to Mother India where we dearly need to be for the very same reasons I always return in my healing journey.
The gift of surrender to re-inventing myself, again and again, is pulling me deeper and deeper to act in line with Guided Truth.
My true Healing as a service starts with me and My family and aligning our integrity with the Truth that serves our essential Nature as Spirit Beings.
In a world where chaos is stirring and medicine is careering so far from healing, I need to be in a place that serves the Truth and Essence of our Being.
I have returned to my Sacred Home of Meditation and Bhakti practice because I believe this is where my service to Women can be deeply felt and recognized. Because here I can feed my own Truth with freedom and not walk in fear.
I am proud of my journey. It is incomparable. It is Mine. I am so grateful to be Home.
And I cannot wait to be of service to Divine Feminine Healing once again.